looking for sam

a few days in almaty

2010-11-02T21:38:00.005-05:00

Here are a couple of pix of Stella at our Luxury apartment in Almaty. You do what you have to do...right?? We started out on Monday the 18th, after we left the baby house we went straight to the SOS clinic where they poked and prodded my little sweet pea. They mentioned that she had rickets, vitamin D deficiency...first I heard of that. After that we went back to the apartment to settle in. Stella just took it all in stride. She loved the car ride and later we met up with Galina (interpreter) to walk to Tsum to get more Internet minutes. Seems my phone minutes expired on the same day the Internet expired.

On Tuesday we had such a nice day, we decided to go to the grocery store near Tsum...the minute we walked in Stella started screaming...if you have ever been to a Kazakh grocery store you will notice people following you around, it's a very strange feeling. Do they think I am going to steal something or just trying to be helpful? I still don't know. So there is no baby food that I want there...what I do want is wine...here I am with Stella in the stroller and a hand basket with wine in it...I have to adjust everything to pick Stella up, then she stops crying..... BUT...I have to check out...so I put her back in the stroller and she screams away...we have become surrounded by every Kazakh young girl in the store!! They must think I am a very awful mama, they are touching her skin and saying something....I was trying to explain to them that we were just getting to know each other...they didn't understand a word I said. Oh well.

On the morning of the 20th, we had our "roommates" show up. The French lady adopting from Karakhstek. Stella and I had an appointment that day for the US embassy. We got home and took a nap. We woke to screaming...it was the French lady with her 2.5 year old boy that she just "got" from the Baby house. He was not having it. I guess the poor little guy had thrown up on the long trip home. Later on that night, one of the Mama's of the Taraz 10 showed up to spend a couple of nights also. Our roomy 2 bedroom turned into a very small one room for me and Stella....something I would not do again. Somehow it is NOT fun to make the mistakes with your first child on the first few days of your life together in front of strangers. What was I thinking!? It is also not fun to feel like you are staying in someone else's apartment because they stayed there many times before. However the two kids got along quite well for two babies just barely out of the Baby House.

I think that covers our stay (my 4th trip) in Almaty. Oh, we never got out again....we spent Wednesday and Thursday holed up and poor Galina had to bring us food. It was getting cold and rainy and just not easy to lug everything down the stairs to go out. At this point I have never wanted home so bad in my life!

new blog...Kazakhsam.blogspot.com

2010-11-02T17:31:00.002-05:00

I am posting now at my other blog....www.Kazakhsam.blogspot.com and have made it public. I am home now and getting caught up on my posts! thanks for being patient!

buyers remorse

2010-10-16T01:48:00.002-05:00

Gothcha there didn't I...just beware, i brought along a 15 dollar stroller and had to pay $85 to check it on KLM. Just saying i now own a $100 unbrella stroller!

No internet yet, at a cafe....don't have custody yet until Monday...running out of minutes. Paka for now!

lsbblues@aol.com

2010-10-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Firsts and lasts

2010-10-09T01:25:00.001-05:00

first bonding day of first bonding trip in June

I was thinking about things this morning...today is the first day of my 49th year. While some others my age are grandparents, I will becoming a first time Mama. My 30th class reunion is coming up on the 30th of October and I was thinking of taking Stella and just going for the social hour and dinner. I remember kids being there in years past then I realized that that was 25 years ago!! Really? Am I that old? Or are they that old?? LOL!

Lasts....To start with, this is the last delay, I pray...I was supposed to leave Sunday but my passport/visa won't be back until tuesday. I leave on Wednesday to go back to Kaz.....Tuesday is my last day here without the sounds of a child in my house. That will be my last day that I will be missing my girl and wondering what she is doing in her baby House. That is my last day of being independent. And you know what I say to this?? Bring it on!

what a day....

2010-09-30T09:13:00.002-05:00

what a day....

What a crazy couple of days! Fall is in the air and it has been nice and a bit cool at times. My sister hired me yesterday to do some fall decorating shopping for her...fun! It's always nice to spend someone elses money. This morning I went over to put everything together...pumpkins, gordes....wreaths. I realized I had forgotten a pot at my house just a mile away. Jumped in my car and went around the corner only to hear...thump thump....I had forgotten to close my back hatch! Ha ha.....3 pumpkins were rolling down the country road! I managed to save two out of three....and just for effect...I had to leave the one. Now I know how that happens. It's usually watermelons I see on the sides of roads! LOl!

After being over at my sister's house and decorating I decided to go home and get lunch....as I have been doing for months...I checked my email for anything from Erin. It was titled "Good News"!!!! I am going back to Kaz to get my little sweet pumpkin!! Stella's passport should be ready and I have appointments lined up for the International clinic and our exit interview for October 18th and 20th!! We should be home on October 23!!!!!! I can hardly believe it. It is really happening! the longest I had gone without seeing Stella since June was about 20 days....this time seemed so much longer, it's been about 43 days so far. You start to think that it was a dream and that it was never really going to happen. It is and I am going back to get my baby girl!

For those of you who already read this post on "Kazakhsam" sorry, I will be merging my blogs somehow soon or just making then both public. I love my journey that led me to sweet Stella and just as soon as I get her home I will make the story available. It's been a crazy wonderful ride and I think I am in the home stretch!

My name is Lisa.......

2010-09-11T15:03:00.004-05:00

Hi, my name is Lisa....I visit this blog often just to get a glimpse of this sweet little star Stella. I can not get enough. I dream of the day that I can whisk her away on a multi colored rainbow to a land that exists of milk and honey...of green grass to roll on, of puppies and kitties to play with, of endless treasures to discover, of love that is never, never ending. I yearn for my life with Stella. My family who didn't exactly understand what I was thinking, asks daily..."now when can you go back and bring her home? She needs to be home....it's time...."

It is time...I have dreamed of this child since I was in my 20's or was it earlier? This child that is not of my loins but of my heart. My heart is bursting to kiss those chubby cheeks and to see that smile explode on her face! I need to be with her.....I wish to go take her away today....is she being shown affection at all...God I pray so. I know that her needs are being met, she is well cared for and well fed....but love......does she know what that is yet? Does she miss the lady that would take her to play, with more toys and attention that she has ever known? Does she miss the attention and the kisses? I miss it all. My heart is with Stella and it always will be.....I miss my girl. God bless my girl and keep her safe. God speed little one.....I am saying this with all my heart...please hear me.....please let her know that I love her and that even though I have left her 3 times already, that I will never, ever leave her again. Love you Miss Stella.......Mama is trying to get back to you....very soon.........................

I am home again......

2010-08-21T01:19:00.004-05:00

I feel so bad to leave so many people out....soon I promise. I will share my private blog soon. I went back to Almaty on august 13th...my sweet girl Stella is doing so great...progressing like crazy! she is sitting unassisted and trying to pull up to stand. I held her hands and she stood and even did a little jig...I think...ha ha!

On August 17th I went to court and they declared me her Mama! Sweetest words I have ever heard...YES!!! There is a new Schultz in the world and even better a new daughter to a very new Mama!

Stella has grandparents, cousins, second cousins, friends and Aunts waiting for her to come home. What a very lucky little girl.

They tell me I will go back in about 45 days. Then I will have to take Stella to the SOS international clinic and then to our exit interview. Then home! I can't wait for my little love to be home in my arms and loved, hugged and kissed for every day of the rest of her life. Our life....I can't wait!

2010-08-15T00:02:00.001-05:00

Not able to access the blog here but I am here in Almaty! I have seen Stella on Friday and Saturday and she is doing great! Stella is sitting up unassisted and she can go from her tummy to sitting. she is also trying to pull up to kneel....everything is great!

I am yet another apt here. this one is closer to the Silk Way mall. Not sure if I like this area as well but the apartment is actually cooler inside (for having no a/c) and nicer then the other two.

I'll post more from home. Home sweet home!!

Paka!

back home

2010-08-02T19:24:00.003-05:00

Hi, I am back home in Texas, the bonding with the sweetest little girl in the world went great! Me...I can't do anything according to schedule so I will do my Almaty adoption in 4 trips! I hope to go back in about 20 days from now for court. I hope this part goes as planned. Actually the bonding went so well. I knew who I was going to choose but the "would she be there?" was always in my mind. Well...she was there waiting for me just as if it was meant to be! I went through the official process and "chose" a beautiful 13 month old Kazakh/Russian little beauty. I can't wait to share with you the way it actually happened. It was the most beautiful moments of my life.

Now I wait for the next step...hope it happens soon.....what's another few months in this 3 year process...right?? I can do this!

Summer in Almaty!!

2010-07-13T11:49:00.002-05:00

I haven't said much on this blog because I have a new private blog for the time being. After court I will be a little more open about my experiences. It's been a rocky road but it looks like things are going to work out for me!! I am in Almaty Kazakhstan. I have met a beautiful little girl who just turned a year old in June. She is Kazakh with beautiful almond shaped eyes and the sweetest little person that I have ever met!! I have found my Sam but not quite the way I expected.....The SAM comes from the words Stella And Me. Just note...you NEVER know where life will lead you and NEVER say never!!! And what Mary and I have been saying to each other over the past 3 years....you are exactly where you should be right now!! Things truly happen for a reason! All my delays led me to this sweet precious girl....Stella.

Volcation

2010-04-25T07:26:00.006-05:00

Little things to make the time pass....last week on the 14th, I had my first trip to Frankfurt Germany. We stay in a lovely little town called Mainz. Our normal layover is just about 24 hours, just enough time to see a few things, dinner and bed. So I wake the morning we are going to leave and my message light in the room is blinking...seems we are delayed because of the volcano ash from Iceland......well the slight delay keeps on going on and I finally get home 9 days later! It was funny though, the level of stress that each crew member experienced. I was so excited to be there and every day was an adventure. Every day was also a beautiful sunny spring day, warm during the day and I had my windows wide open at night. I didn't see much besides the little town and it's shops...have I mentioned that I love H & M?? I mean I had to have clothes!

nothing much here

2010-04-02T16:55:00.003-05:00

Well as usual these days..I don't have much to say on the adoption front. It has been about two months since I got my region assignment....waiting still waiting....

Here in Texas, spring is marked by beautiful bluebonnet and Indian paintbrush wildflowers....the sides of the highways and old country roads are gorgeous with color. These popped up in the field behind my house this year.

And there is life.....everything in it's own time

2010-02-23T11:52:00.002-06:00

My sister has been waiting for weeks for this little filly to be born. She rubbed the mama's back, wrapped her up and made her comfortable, and had a baby monitor that she constantly monitored! My sister came home straight after work, stayed home on the weekends and close to the house...just in case. So what happens? She goes out of town for her first grandson's first birthday and the baby is born! Luckily for her, some friends were stopping by to check on things and the Mama just laid down and had the baby, right then and there!

So you have to compare all that we go through to the birth of this little filly. We try everything to make it happen for us with our Adoption. (My trick is emailing my agency once a week...sometimes I get lucky and I get good news...even though I know good and well she would have been telling me the same had I been a little more patient!) I also know in my heart that this little guy or girl that I bring home is 100% meant to be mine. I believe that this child was chosen my me or by God or my child chose me ahead of time....whatever....we are meant to be together. When I stress about situations that may or may not occur, I have to stop and tell myself that NO ONE else is going to get my child, I will be the one to bring my child home. He is meant to be my child just as if he was born to me, just like this filly......he probably won't come in my time or by my rules but he will come to me when it is the right time for us both!

So Mary, please keep reminding me as I reminded you... "I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time"!!!!!!

you can kill alot of time if you really want to put your mind too it....

2010-02-14T12:00:00.005-06:00

Last week I had quite the adventure. I just got off working my Amsterdam flight when my friend called me, I was literally heading to customs. She asked what I was doing and did I want to come to Vegas? She had a last minute schedule change that took her to Vegas for 24 hours. What?! Sure!! Let me go back through to the airport and find out when the next flight leaves and if I can get on! I look and there is a flight going to Vegas in 30 minutes! So I walk quickly through the airport, trying to check in on my iphone and get there with about 15 minutes to spare! There are no seats available but lucky for me I am qualified to sit on the jump seat....there goes the idea of a glass of wine! I get to Vegas at about 4 pm and taxi to the Hilton where I proceed to the first gift shop and I buy something to wear. I then get to the room and thank goodness my friend had taken the liberty to buy a bottle of wine! Yeah! I shower and get the past 16 hours of grunge off and we are off. We had a wonderful dinner at Nobu at the Hard Rock...OMG...wish we had one in Texas and then off to the Chris Angel Show at the Luxor. Got about 4 hours of sleep then back to the jump seat....no seats left on the flight home.

So much fun! And you know what? I think I only checked my email (for adoption news of course) maybe once or twice?? Sometimes it is good to be distracted. I haven't done anything this spontaneous in sooooo long. Felt good!

Tea for two?

2010-02-08T17:13:00.003-06:00

how do I say this with out jumping up and down as I type......I will be having ALL MY TEA.......hopefully very soon........I am over the moon thrilled, excited and scared half to death but it is my turn!! Love, love, love for this little boy or girl that will soon be having ALL MY TEA with me!!!! ; )

Remote blogging 101

2010-02-04T14:25:00.005-06:00

Thanks to Jim, I may be able to walk you thru this. If Kaz is blocking the sites like blogger, while you are there in Kaz, you can email to your blog and it will post. I don't think you can add pictures but like I did, I added my picture of Boggie later when I accessed my blog.

Blogger

go to your blog

click on customize (at the top right corner)

click on the settings tab

click on the email and mobile tab

scroll down to posting options

they give you your email address and a box to put in a secret word for yourself ie.... Lsbblues________________@blogger.com

then finish by selecting the circle that says "publish emails immediately"

to post, go to your email and put in the adddress you created and post away!

This is courtesy of Jim, thanks Jim, I would never have figured this out on my own!!

test, test one, two, three

2010-02-03T10:21:00.002-06:00

I am hearing that Kaz may be blocking social sites like blogger and I was told a way to email to post....so here is my test. Wonder if I can post pictures too? Just want to be prepared!

Bogie...just chillin' and

waiting for Sam

The original picture didn't come thru....does anyone know how to do it? Thanks!

an angel named Faith?

2010-01-27T08:59:00.003-06:00

I just woke up from a wonderful dream. I was home and my sister came over and introduced me to two beautiful girls with long brown curls, she introduced them as Hope and Faith. The house was a mess and the tv was blaring with a show about Kazakhstan. They told me that Faith was going to give me a back rub. I lay down on the floor and Faith got on my back and gave me a lavender back rub. I woke up thinking that I just had an Angel named Faith on my back. That in itself gives me Faith! ; ) but there is also Hope........

check, check,check and check again.....

2010-01-25T10:30:00.004-06:00

Can I just tell you my daily routine? Get up in the morning, head to the bathroom with my iphone and check my email for news. Do a few things around the house, check my email and maybe check a few blogs see what's happening out there. Go to the market and somewhere along the way check my email. Home, check my email, dinner, check my email. Before bed, check my email. Get up in the middle of the night, 1 am, check my email, 3 am check my email, 5 am check my email, finally 9 am check my email then get back into bed for a few minutes just because I can, then start my day again by checking my email!!

I know, I know. This wait is impossible! I never thought it could be this bad! Before when I was with CHI and my dossier was at the MFE, I was a lot more patient, I think because movement with my dossier would surely mean that is was coming home. What do you know...it did! Or maybe it is because I am going on 2 years and 6 months since I signed my first contract with CHI. That seems like a lifetime and for some that 2.6 years has brought them two children. Me I check my email!

I know in my heart that I will bring a child home some day and I know in my heart that there is nothing that I can do to speed it up I just never expected this bit of depression and the great big sighs that happen on a daily basis because I haven't heard any news. I have full confidence in my new agency and I know that they are doing everything in their power to make this happen but still I worry. Sigh.

I wish I could take my own advice, when I am working and we are delayed and have about 9 hours left of flight and someone comes back and asks about their connection. Especially when it looks like they are not going to make it....I usually say...... well there is nothing you can do about it for the next 9 hours.....you might as well enjoy the flight, watch a movie play some games because we will get there when we get there, then you can worry about the next steps to getting where you are going. That sure sounds like sound advice, wonder why I can't take it!!?? Sigh.....

being positive and proactive

2010-01-19T14:02:00.008-06:00

Well as I have said before...my friend Susan says that if you want to go on a trip then start packing. So of course I have almost everything ready to be packed, in Sam's room but I also went ahead and started witht the innoculations. Yesterday I got Hep A and B, Chickenpox, and in a month I get another series of Hep A and B and Thypoid. I am thinking that I should have had alot of these earlier because of my job...who knows what I have been exposed to in some of the countries I fly to.

I also found something cute to hang over the bed.....I think the room is complete! Well except for one major thing....Sam!!

I am lovin' this little boy!

2010-01-06T12:56:00.005-06:00

Walking with Aunt Lisa

I got to spend some time with my great nephew Connor at my niece's wedding beginning of December and then again at Christmas time. He is about 10 months now....what a sweetie! This is such a great age and I am so looking forward to my life with one of these!

More snow!

2010-01-06T10:47:00.006-06:00

Sometimes it's just fun feeling like a kid!! I just woke up in London to look out and see huge snow flakes falling. I feel like I am on a snow day and have nothing better to do then watch movies and stay warm!

Happy New Year everyone. Here's to more of us finding our "forever families" in 2010!

here's your sign....

2009-12-26T20:01:00.002-06:00

I know, I'm a little off some days! I am starting to see signs again. Remember before? I saw signs everywhere which could be a good indication that it means nothing! Ha ha! I am going with these though. I worked a flight from Amsterdam to Houston last week. This couple gave me their baby boy's bottle to warm up and the name on the bottle was.....wait....wait....here it comes.....Samuell Kazan! Do you see the connection? OK and today I am watching a movie with Emma Roberts in it called" wild child".....she is with her dad and says sarcastically......I hope your luggage doesn't end up in Kazakhstan!! I just love signs.......!!

a Charlie Brown Tree

2009-12-24T18:39:00.002-06:00

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! Here is my "not going to do a tree this year...tree"!!

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-24T18:25:00.004-06:00

Working Schipol Airport

A pre white Xmas in AMS

I feel like it's close.....?

2009-12-18T13:07:00.008-06:00

I don't know why but I have this feeling of anticipation/anxiety that something might happen soon....maybe February or March? It is totally just a feeling but I like it and I think that I'll go with it! Q just posted on my comments page that she had this dream about me that I was getting ready to go out into the cold weather and then she realized that I was in Kazakhstan and headed off to the baby house! What a dream and even though I didn't dream it.....it is my dream! Thanks Q again for the perfect comment.

As a matter of fact, I just placed an order this week for a Lands End Down coat. I surely can't use it here, well not much anyway. I am so not equipped for cold weather. I just flew an Amsterdam trip and I had to go out and buy gloves and socks. I am so much more excited about going to Kaz in the winter. I am experiencing just a few hot flashes these days (one an hour some days) and the thought of 115 degree summer scares the nice out of me. My internal temperature guide is way off. When I went to sleep in Ams I got so hot in the room that I had to open the window and it was 23 degrees. Jeez. Maybe I won't need a coat in Kaz...just some T-shirts?? My iphone is showing 19 right now in Kaz so that sounds pretty cold.

okay, back to checking blogs and seeing how time lines are going. My sensitivity meter may be as off as my temperature meter but I so hope it's soon.

Dossier in Kaz!

2009-12-01T14:59:00.002-06:00

I am just a little late in posting. My dossier arrived in Kaz on November 11! Timeline thru the MOE should be about 4-8 weeks. Yeah!

October 087.jpg

2009-12-01T14:52:00.003-06:00

My sisters and I and my neice's 8 month old son, Connor.

Click here to view these pictures larger

October 082.jpg

2009-12-01T14:51:00.001-06:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

October 081.jpg

2009-12-01T14:50:00.001-06:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

LOL!!

2009-11-09T13:15:00.002-06:00

Jeez......I just can't make up my mind! I love having the support and feedback! It has been invaluable and I know so much more because of it. I'm thinking either I go private or keep some info off (as per my agency) You hate to think that things could get cut throat over a region assignment or some other information but we all know how much we want what we want! I know myself what a Mama Bear must look like and I'm not even a Mama yet!

Thanks for all the great ideas on this.

And Yeah! My dossier is in Kazakhstan, Almaty. Hopefully it will be in Astana in just a few days. Yeah!!

Final blog post?

2009-11-05T11:42:00.003-06:00

Hi everyone. I want to say that this blog has been a wonderful thing for me and that I have met so many great people through it. My first agency actually encouraged us to blog about the adoption process. After talking it over with my new agency I am beginning to think it is not such a good idea to put things out there for all to see. No, nothing has happened and my dossier hasn't even gotten to Kaz yet....it's just me making sure that absolutely nothing goes wrong with the adoption process. I want this little Kazakh child so badly and I want to be proactive about everything and to protect everything about this little one before he or she comes home.

Thank you for all of your kind words and support. It is wonderful to know that so many people are going through this same process with the same heartaches and joys.

I'll be deleting the blog in about a week or so. My email address is Lsbblues@aol.com. I would love to keep up with you by email. Maybe after my child is home, then I can continue the story by blogging. Thanks for everything!

Best,
Lisa

Halloween 2009

2009-11-03T09:42:00.006-06:00

Happy Belated Halloween!!

2009-11-03T08:32:00.002-06:00

I had such a good Halloween this year! On Friday my friend Tina let me know that "we" were going to be babysitting her partner's 6 year old daughter for the weekend. How fun! We picked her up around 2 on Saturday and ran straight to Spookers to find the perfect costume! Yes you guessed it....she is a six year old girl and she had to be a princess! I tried to stear her towards the cute little witches but a princess she had to be!

We had so much fun! We quickly fixed hair, added the tiera and headed out with my neighbor and her son Leyton. He was a ninja turtle. His expression of having to trick or treat with a princess was priceless. I couldn't even see his face but his body language said everything!

The neighborhood streets were packed with lots of ghosts and goblins.....ok, maybe it was princesses and football players! It was great! Snooker was so polite with please and thank you's and she even dug into her own bag and gave back to people handing out candy. How sweet.

Sunday we carved a pumpkin and had several tea parties. Needless to say...I was exhausted when she left!

9 1/2 weeks

2009-11-02T17:59:00.001-06:00

After over 9 weeks at the embassy, I am so happy to say that my dossier is ready to move to Kazakhstan!!! Yay!!!!

still waiting......

2009-10-07T13:32:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone. No news here. Just saw on someone elses blog who was a week ahead of me at the DC embassy, that they just made it to the MFA. Yeah! Maybe mine will follow soon. My agency says it takes at least 8 weeks to go thru the DC Embassy.

On the pet front, my kitty Bella was missing for a few days. I have a cat door and they go in and out and Bella travels to see other families in the neighborhood. We've lived here for 6 years without any problems. So when I got home from a trip and she wasn't around I checked at the nearest vet's office. Seems Miss Bella was picked up by the Po po and taken down to the slammer! Poor thing. I was so upset, apparently there is a leash law for cats! Who knew?? However it is not really enforced unless someone calls in. I think it was a case of mistaken identity. There is a gray tomcat that sprays everything and I think they were after him because they picked up every gray cat on the street. It is still hard not to look at my neighbors differently now! Time to move to the country!!

Please help me pray that there is movement soon. I have a birthday soon and I'll be 2 years from turning 50. Gotta get it done soon!!

9-11

2009-09-11T20:48:00.005-05:00

Just wanted to say thank you to all those friends and family that are here to make sure that our freedom is intact. I have a brother in the Army, a niece and her husband in the air force and a nephew in the air force. My best friend is a Federal Air Marshall. All of these people would give their lives for us if necessary. God I hope it never is!

On 9-11 I was getting ready for work....can't remember where I was supposed to go that day but someone called me and told me to turn on the TV. Wow......I will never forget the images of the first plane hitting the building....surely it was an accident....while I was watching another plane hit....OMG. How, why? Please tell me it wasn't my airline, please tell me it wasn't anyone I knew. What were those people thinking in those last moments? God only knows. God bless those souls.

I didn't know what to do, I couldn't get a hold of anyone so I headed out to the airport. As I got close there was an unnatural silence. No planes flying.....nothing. I was lucky, I went home but so many didn't.

A couple of years ago, I flew with my parents to Rome where they would catch a cruise. I watched them go and headed back to London to spend the night and the next morning back to Houston. I checked out the next morning and the hotel staff said that I should be prepared to check all of my liquid before boarding my flight. What? this was something new. I got into the main part of Gatwick and it was literally wall to wall people. What would normally take me 10 minute to walk took me over an hour. The plane was half full and it was an strange ride. The flight attendants were a little jittery and I was too. This was the day they caught the cell in England that was attempting to make bombs out of hydrogen peroxide and tang. At the time we didn't know what had happened but we knew that something obviously wasn't right. Thank you England! As irritating as it is for us to go through such a strict screening process every trip.....thank you England!!

I got home to a bunch of phone calls....where are you, are you ok? My parents had called from the ship and had no idea if I had even left Italy, London or gotten back to the states. I think it hit me then that that day could have been as bad as 9-11. Thank you God that it wasn't. God bless those fallen, their families and those who protect us everyday.

details

2009-08-16T13:34:00.008-05:00

Hi all, I just decided to go public again. I miss the feedback and meeting new people on my blog. Here is a little about me if you are just tuning in;

I am single and 47 years old, I have wanted to adopt all my life. I used to ask my Mom if she would be supportive if when I got to be 30 and wasn't married, I adopted. 30 turned into 40 and then when I turned 45, I absolutely panicked! So I started seriously looking into it....no longer waiting for that child to be placed on my doorstep. I was told by a psychic that she could see me with a little boy. I told her that my guides/guardian Angels better hurry up and get things going and she laughed! She said, "They said YOU need to hurry up and get things going!" So it was done.

I attended a Children's Hope International meeting back in 2007. Being a single PAP that left me with Ethiopia, Vietnam, Russia and Kazakhstan. I looked into Kazakhstan and it just seemed perfect for me. The kids are gorgeous, well cared for and I loved the fact that they require a 14 day bonding period in country. I would get to see my child in the only home that he has known. The thought of someone handing me a baby without any knowledge or help scared me to death!

I signed with CHI and had a pretty good run, at least to the MFA, when starting in August 2008 some of the CHI paperwork started coming back to the agency with a myriad of reasons. Let's see....Age of PAPs, chose a gender, expired paperwork, never left the Embassy. We were all devastated. So much time, money and hope down the drain. In the interim, there was a slow down in Kaz. Because there wasn't a lot going on, I found an in country coordinator that was willing to help me move my dossier along only with the blessing of CHI. CHI turned them and me down flat. I was floored. Later I found another agency willing to look for my dossier in Kaz at the MFA. They could never locate it at all. Was it even there? I may never know. Anyway, my dossier was returned to me, exactly as I had submitted it, on January 30, 2008.

So, all this being said, I immediately went to Kids to Adopt. Erin is the new Kaz director there. She and her in-country coordinator are the ones that tried to help me in the beginning. Kids to Adopt is not the biggest agency who works in Kaz but I was ever grateful for the help and the ethics that Erin and the coordinator showed. A friend of mine recommended Erin in the first place and said that she would follow Erin anywhere on her next adoption(she has a beautiful Kazakh daughter aged 2)....that was good enough for me!

Here I am today, back to having HOPE for my Kazakhstan adoption. I am hearing all sorts of chatter about changes in the adoption process there...more time in-country and of course that means more money. I am happy to do the "time" in Kaz, I just wish I won't have to live in a broom closet when I get there! Money is going to be really tight. It may be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the whole time. But in the end.....I know it will be worth it all if my dream to become a mother comes true.

Thanks guys for all the wonderful support that you give me!! I couldn't do it without you!

Oh, I forgot to mention. The last I heard my dossier was being sent to the DC Embassy.

Got a stroller!

2009-08-09T18:40:00.004-05:00

I already feel more confident about my sweet baby Schultz coming home. When I first started this journey I went to a 3 family garage sale. I found a pottery barn crib, pottery barn changing table, high chair and a Graco black and white stroller. I did soooo good. I refinished the crib myself in a distressed white with the wood showing through. Perfect! Over the past few years I have been looking at strollers. When you fly Amsterdam as much as I did you can't help but see the quality in the Eurostrollers. I even inquired about a Bugaboo that is made in Holland. Apparently it is more expensive to buy it there then it is here.......still can't afford it! Last year year I found the Fisher Price Dreamer that had that same Euro feel and it was only $150. Now it is no long available. Today I went on line and I found a wonderful stroller called Baby Planet, Max. I bought it! Yeah! Sam will be stylin' when he gets here!

good news

2009-07-24T11:24:00.002-05:00

Baby steps..... found out that my dossier has been translated and it is on it's way back to the States. Yeah! Next stop the DC Embassy! Does anyone know how things are moving through there?

Finally....submitted dossier!!

2009-06-26T13:45:00.001-05:00

Finally!! My dossier from CHI came back on January 30 and I finally submitted to KIDS yesterday! I don't know what took me so long.......seemed like everytime I was ready to submit then something else expired!

So gods speed my little dossier......may you land just where you are supposed to and when, so that my little one can be home soon.

Please.........???!!!!

a little more time....

2009-06-12T11:16:00.002-05:00

I thought that I was finished but actually my FBI report expired (good for 4 months) and I am getting that together before I can submit. I sent everything else on to Erin and she said it was perfect except for the FBI report. So...maybe another week??

I understand that things at the consul are going much more smoothly? I am so ready! I am just ready! Every time I work, on the plane, I think of how it will be to bring back my child. Today I met a lady with two adopted boys from Korea. She said that she had looked into Kaz but the travel was a negative for her. Even though the money I will have to spend to travel to Kaz will hurt....I think that learning about the country and knowing the baby house that my child comes from will be invaluable.

So, I will keep you posted...fingers and toes crossed that I get everything back soon and I can submit for real!

submitted dossier today!

2009-05-19T22:03:00.003-05:00

Last week I had a wonderful and restful vacation at my parents new Padre Island Condo...I got home on Sunday and was pleased to find my last few papers had come while I was away. I was going to run everything up to Austin toward the end of the week but last night I had dream....all I remembered about it was that I submitted on the 19th and my agency turned around and sent it onto have it translated on the 20th. So, being the person that I am....I had to run to Austin today and have all my papers apostilled and I sent it all off to Kids to Adopt. So....I have submitted my dossier...on May 19, 2009!!

more paperwork in....

2009-05-07T21:28:00.001-05:00

It's been a good week. I received both my USCIS I-171H approval plus I also received my Home Study Report update with a notary that doesn't expire until 2013. That gives me a little more time then the original June 2009! Today I had a check up with my doctor just to make sure I don't have leprosy or gonorrhea untreated....I think I am ok on both! I am really starting to get excited again! I am hoping to submit in a couple of weeks. I am just waiting on a few papers from my Home Study agency that I didn't know that they didn't know I needed! Short a little money from the first go around but I am still pluggin'! Gotta hurry up and go get my Sam or Samantha!

Ode to Phil.....

2009-04-28T12:13:00.006-05:00

On the home front we had some sadness. Remember Phil, the guinea pig? My friend came over for a visit with her dogs. Earlier in the day we had Phil out playing in the yard. He had to be the most spoiled guinea pig on earth! When Tina comes by she brings him all sorts of veggies....this week snap peas last week mustard greens. She even bought him this pouch you see him in, in this photo.

Anyway, we knew her dogs were a problem so when they were around we would keep Phil (in his cage) in another room with the door shut. We went outside for a few minutes to talk to a neighbor and came back in the find that we had left the door open and Katie, a lab/shepherd mix had knocked over the cage and had gotten Phil. Poor Phil. I feel awful and so especially does Tina. He was such a sweet thing.

On the adoption front. I received my Home Study report. Perfect with the exception of the notary stamp. It expires in 2 months! I just don't understand, this is an agency that does Home Study reports for International adoptions (even Kazakhstan) all the time. Another delay in the progress. However to be honest I am still waiting on my birth certificates from Georgia before I can submit. Almost there......just a little more time......

This and that......

2009-04-10T12:52:00.003-05:00

I just checked up on Sandi and she is now bonding with a beautiful baby girl. Finley is adorable...and she actually looks like Sandi. I am so happy for you Sandi....hope everything

goes smoothly for you in Kaz.

Not much going on here. Waiting on my employment letter (first one had wrong passport number), Birth Certificates, and Home Study Report. Yesterday I updated my fingerprints with the USCIS. My I-171H expires in July.....wonder when I can update that and hope it doesn't interfere with my dossier submission?

No more Amsterdam. I am sad and miss it terribly. Our trips went from a 4 day, which I could hold to a three day that I can not hold. It's all based on seniority. You would think after 21 years.......? We have 45 year flight attendants so I am somewhere in the middle. Oh well, the weather is good in London so making the most of it.

Rodeo 2009

2009-03-15T18:22:00.006-05:00

I may live in Texas but this is probably the only time you will see me in a cowgirl hat! This one is NOT mine! LOL! The little girl is my friend Mark's daughter Schnucker from Thialand.

Home Study Update

2009-03-09T09:01:00.006-05:00

Ok Q....here i my update..LOL! For the last few months I have been trying to schedule my HS update. The agency called me on Thursday in AMS and said can we do it on Sunday....What?! Yes...um no...um...yes!! I had appointments all day on Friday so that left me Saturday to clean. Boy did I power clean. The visit went really well. The SW said she should have the report to Children's connections by the end of this week! Wow...my first one took 3.5 months!!!!!!

So I have been officially accepted by Kids to Adopt! I am really excited to be working with Erin Tucker and Svetlana in Kaz. Way back when, I think in June, when things were moving very slowly in Kaz....my friend Lou Ann got me in contact with Erin, who tried to help myself and Children's Hope. Her coordinator in Kaz was willing to take on a couple of families through CHI to alleviate the work load that CHI had. Dossiers were not moving and Svetlana had time. Mine and other CHI families dossiers where sitting at the MFA or the MOE. My agency at the time, CHI, choose not to accept the help from Svetlana and her team. I was floored. Svetlana is well know in Kaz as she helped start the IA program. Since that time, all of my friends who Svetlana offered to help, have had to start over from scratch. The reasons for the dossiers coming back where as listed;

1. Never left the embassy due to corruption? (but told their dossier was at the MFA for almost a year)

2. Chose a gender on dossier (but willing to take either)

3. Expired paperwork (minor paperwork not the big ticket items)

Anyway....thanks for letting me vent. I have High Hopes that this time I will be succesful! Erin is wonderful and will keep me posted every step of the way. Svetlana is the best and strong in Kaz. Thanks Lou Ann, again, for all you have done. I still have hopes that when you get back to Texas that Alexi and Sam will be the best of friends!

Thanks guys for all the wonderful comments that you leave. I have been so bad about reading blogs because it just got too depressing.....to see people traveling with shorter wait times or to see others dossiers come back for fixable reasons. I am soooo happy to be in limbo no longer!!! Moving on!!!!

fast forward

2009-02-07T21:37:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I was talking with the someone at the agency that will be doing my Home study update. she said "Why would you think that you would have a successful adoption in Kazakhstan this time around?" I was floored....I couldn't even think of how to answer her other then to tell her it was a paperwork issue not ME that was denied!

Later my friend Tina and I were discussing me reapplying to Kaz, she said this...." I can see you in your 60s sitting alone on a bench and some teen aged boy comes up to you and says that his name is Sam. Then he says that he grew up in an orphanage in Kazakhstan because his Mama never came to get him......... " At first I laughed and then broke into tears. This is exactly my fear, she nailed it! My belief that my Sam is in Kaz is what keeps me going. How can I give up? If there is even a chance that he is there, don't I have to do everything in my power to find him?

The dreaded call.....

2009-02-05T21:05:00.005-06:00

Ok, I'll just say it......I got the call last friday....my dossier came back from Kaz because of expired documents......How Ironic......I didn't update my docs sooner because I thought it would come back because of the gender issue.

I spent Friday in tears and spent the weekend looking over domestic adoption sites only to figure out that I am more confused then ever. On Monday I called Erin who had tried to help me in country about 6 months ago. Erin has dealt with both domestic and International adoptions. I knew that Erin would be upfront with me. She is no longer working with domestic but we talked about Kazakhstan. Her agency has movement thru DC and she thinks it might still be a viable choice. I have all of my paperwork updated, with the exception of the Home Study. She is going to look over my paperwork and see if we can use it .....if we can....it's a go! The Limbo is over.....I can move forward and I am still LOOKING FOR my SAM!!!!!!!!!

It's the Journey

2008-12-31T09:18:00.002-06:00

My sister Darcy and her family gave me this wonderful necklace for Christmas. The company is Dogeared. Each necklace comes with a message...this was with my necklace;

IT'S THE JOURNEY

there are so many facets in life, like the drop on this necklace....each time you think one is figured out, several new ones unfold. wear your necklace as a daily reminder to never give up and to enjoy the life found in the journey. Dogeared

I have met so many wonderful people along the way of my adoption journey. Some of those people I have not even met in person but I have laughed and cried with them, and they are very special to me, none the less. So, I am pledging to never give up on my journey to find my child and I will enjoy the life that is unfolding before me. Happy New 2009! May we all find our children in 2009 and not forget to enjoy the journey!

Lisa

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2008-12-25T09:02:00.002-06:00

Hope everyone is safe and warm and where you want to be this Christmas. For those of us who don't have our little ones with us yet.....may next Christmas be filled will presents, noise, laughter and love. For those of you who have your little ones with you....enjoy every little second with them and know that you have truly been blessed.

To my little Sam....wherever you might be..... I woke up thinking of you and can't wait to share my home, my love and my life with you. Please be safe and warm and know that you are loved. God speed little man.......Merry Christmas little one.......

Happy Holidays!!

2008-12-23T13:53:00.008-06:00

If Santa gives coal out to those who have been soooo bad about updating their blog.....I believe I would have coal in my stocking this year! Just want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. To those Kaz kids still in the baby houses...may god bless you and keep you safe and warm and your bellies full.....may you have sweet dreams of those mamas and papas that are dreaming of you too.

On the work front, I have been flying London all month long and threw in a nice Honolulu to confuse my body even more! And what happens? I get sick! Oh well...I was still able to enjoy a nice oceanside room in the Hilton Hawaiian Village!

On the adoption front, no word on my dossier, one way or the other. So, I am working on updating some of my paperwork to reflect an open gender change on my Petition to Adopt and I am also working on an addendum to my Home Study Report to reflect the same. So as usual...I get the new girl! I paid $175 on December 2nd to my new Home Study agency and even though I have been calling for the past two weeks....still have not gotten the report. Because as we all know....I will have to have it notarized, run it to Austin to have it Apostilled, then send it to CHI where they will have to add their paperwork, have it translated....then sent to Kaz!! I am exhausted just thinking about it! Everything in it's own time, I guess?

humbled

2008-11-10T18:49:00.003-06:00

I have been humbled several times today. My 20 year old cousin is fighting cancer and is loosing her hair. See www.Makingcancerhistory.blogspot.com. How can I be angry? Just a moment ago I found out my favorite family, whose dossier came back because of a gender choice.....found out their domestic birth mother was in labor...only to find out that they baby died in child birth. I am just devastated and now ashamed at myself for feeling sorry for myself.

Please send out a prayer to Kendall and Kari and Danny. Thanks.

Bumps in the road #2

2008-11-10T06:44:00.002-06:00

Last week I went through a tough mental patch. I actually had to erase everything I blogged because it wasn't so nice. I vented.....a lot!

I started this process in such a positive frame of mind, now I am discouraged to say the least. I have not heard a word since April 28th on the progress of my dossier!! At that point it was registered at the MoFA. That was over six months ago. I have had the gender issue to deal with so I have tried to keep a low profile but come on! I have had my concerns so I even emailed the NY Embassy to see if indeed my dossier did pass through there (after hearing a story of someone's dossier being in a trunk even after they received updates on it!) I got an email back asking who my agency is......then an email from my agency saying that they got a phone call from the Embassy telling them that I was inquiring!! I felt like a kid caught in the candy jar! So I wait. I am understanding from others that there is a registration number assigned to all dossiers.....shouldn't I have this information for my records?? And why don't I get updates from the Kaz coordinators like other PAPs do?? Or for that matter from my agency. Doesn't someone know where my dossier is??I am just asking!!!!!!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T21:49:00.005-05:00

I just wanted to send a Happy Halloween out to everyone! This year I just didn't do much and I am ashamed to say that I am hiding from tricker treaters! I just didn't get on the ball today and buy any candy. I also am a little sad that I don't have my Sam with me yet to celebrate. My neighbor brought her son, who is almost 4, over dressed as Indiana Jones...he was precious. I did have some little things for him.

Here is a picture of Sadie dressed as a police dog....K9 unit! Or you could call her the one eyed drug sniffin' dawg? Watch out for that snaggle tooth....she can be vicious...LOL! Sad huh? Sorry!

Have a great night!

Hermes the Hermit crab...it's a miricle!

2008-10-31T09:56:00.008-05:00

Ok......I am really confused! Which seems to happen often. A week ago, at least, I looked into Herme's (rescued Hermit Crab) aquarium. He hadn't moved from his spot in a couple of days so I picked him up and he actually fell out of his shell in pieces. I felt bad because it looked like he had been gone for awhile. So today I was thinking that I really should dump out the sand and clean up the aquarium.......I look at it......what??!!! I see crab legs coming out of the shell!!!! It's Hermes!! It's a miracle.....he's a live!! LOL!! The only thing I can think is that there may have been another crab, I guess dead, already living in the new shell I got him?

So miracles really do happen......maybe not always the way that you expect them to........I am still praying for my miracle that my dossier will keep moving despite the gender issue and that I will receive good news soon!! Amen!

PS........ha, ha.....had I done my homework on the habits of Hermit Crabs....I would have known that prior to Herme's miraculous revival.....he was exhibiting all the signs that he would be soon molting. He was eating a lot and digging into the sand. Apparently they develop gelantinous new appendages and then they drop their old outer shell and then their new appendages harden. They actually eat their old shell. I am so glad I didn't bury him or kill him off a second time!

still waiting.......

2008-10-19T12:05:00.005-05:00

Just thought that I'd share some pictures of my motley crew.......we are still waiting to hear anything! we of little patience........

On a sad note.....my rescued hermet crab, Hermes, died today? I swear I checked him yesterday and he retracted from me, I thought. Today he was in the same spot and he basically fell out of his shell. Like maybe he'd been gone for awhile? I feel bad. Silly huh?

Phil or Phillameana, the recused guinea pig is doing great. He is finally coming out a bit more of his hovel. It's funny.....now when I am feeding the other critters he starts to squeak and throws a fit until I feed him. I can create monsters out of the best of pets!!

Hope everyone is doing well? My September vacation came and went.....back to the grind. I am flying back to Amsterdam this month, it's been nice, I missed it there. I have decided that I really need to buy some warmer clothes..... I had one of those moments in AMS when I was out and about and it started to hail and I had to walk home in my cheap wet slipper shoes.........that I need some winter appropriate clothes! We just don't wear them here much in Texas. I can pretty much wear long shorts all year around. And you never know.....if I get the good call.....maybe I'll be prepared for winter in Kazakhstan?

Private officially

2008-09-29T15:55:00.004-05:00

Hi all. I am private now, if I have missed anyone or you know someone who wants an invite please let me know. With Blogger you have to physically type in all the email addresses, no cheating like you do on email when the address comes up automatically. I already goofed by mistyping my CHI Kaz Director's email in wrong....sorry Jeff. You know that you are invited, that is a given!

No news today, I don't know but for some reason I thought I would travel this month. I ended up with pretty much the whole month off with vacation and just hoped that it was a sign. It's the 29th now so unless I get the "good" call today and get my visa tomorrow and leave tomorrow night...........well.........I would do it though....absolutely!

Now I am shooting for October! It's my birthday month and I always have good luck in October! I am a dreamer.....but that's what's gotten me to this point!

Revelation

2008-09-22T21:50:00.002-05:00

My friend Tina let me listen to this song that she has on her ipod....Revelation by Third Day. I had tears in my eyes when the song was over. It couldn't be more perfect.

"Give me a revelation...show me what to do......'cause I've been trying to find my way.... and I haven't got a clue.....tell me should I stay here......do I need to move.......give me a revelation...."

I don't think I have been this scared in my whole life.....waiting to see if my dossier comes back. Every day is the day that I may get the call. So, what if the little soul meant for me is in Kaz and my dossier comes back.....how will I have the money or the strength to start over? Will I have to abandon my dream? Can I do this?

private.......?

2008-09-21T11:50:00.003-05:00

I am thinking of going private....yet again....I am seeing a trend and I think that it might be best until I bring my child home. I am hearing about Agencies that don't want their PAP's blogs public and I am not sure why. I am hearing rumors that Kaz officials or Kaz coordinators may also be taking a look. Another disturbing idea is that when you are assigned a region...that other agencies might try to beat you to the punch if they know a child is available!!

Hate not to get the wonderful feed back,so.......please let me know if you'd like an invite. Send me your email address to Lsbblues@aol.com.

Anyone know anything? Thanks!

Overwhelmed

2008-09-17T18:05:00.002-05:00

I just have to say that I am overwhelmed with the support I have received on line through my blog. There is no one that can share my angst like another Potential Adoptive Parent (PAP) or just anyone who has been through the whole adoption experience. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the support and I hope one day......to be sharing pictures of my Kazakh child with you.......and you to share your pictures with me!

Thank You, you keep me believing.......

Lisa

No news is good news.......?

2008-09-13T13:36:00.008-05:00

Well the good news is I made it through IKE. We just had some rain and some wind here. It could have been much worse. For some it was.

I still haven't heard anything in reference to my dossier. It seems funny to me that it is a tangible set of paperwork with my name all over it and no one really seems to know where it is. It arrived at the MFA on April 28...so that means it's been in Kaz for over 4 months. The hope of course is that it has already been assigned to a region, because if not, it may be sent back because I put a gender preference on my home study report. I found out this week that several of my friend's dossiers have been sent back, meaning that they will have to start over.....I am crushed for these families. I cried myself to sleep the other night just thinking about it. I want to cry now. On the positive side for them, they have already started on plan B.

It's really gotten more complicated in Kaz these days. If I have to start over this is what I may have to deal with; There may be a list coming out that only allows 10 agencies to be licensed to adopt in Kaz. They will have to be Hague accredited. All dossiers will probably now have to go through DC and each agency may only be able to send off 5 a month...making the wait time longer. They may pass a law making singles unable to adopt. My age may soon become a factor with the age of the child I am allowed to adopt. Oh and more money to start again!

SO.......I don't want to have to start over. My heart is in Kazakhstan with my son or daughter! I keep thinking someone will just say "What are we doing? There are orphans here who need families...there are families that want a chance to love a child .....let's just ask them if they will take either and go from there". Please someone just ask me.........I would and could love a child of either gender....just please give me the chance!

I am asking for divine intervention at this point.....I am scared and in limbo. I am the kind of person that tries to do things on my own, I have been alone for most of my life and am fiercely independent......but I am asking you all to just pray for me to find my child in Kazakhstan...soon. Thank you.

another sign or just yucky?

2008-08-30T15:01:00.003-05:00

So....those of us with kitties have heard the stories about when a new baby is brought into the house how the cats will sometimes pee on the baby's things or even on the baby itself. Yuck. This morning I went into Sam's little room just to look at his little clothes and all of his sweet little things. Someone.....was it Angel?......got into the crib and peed on the sheet. Yuck again!! So my theory is....that animals have a sixth sense about things....the little bugger knows that my Sam is coming and is preparing to retaliate!! Does Angel have any idea how hard it is to change a crib sheet!! ; )

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

2008-08-29T14:23:00.004-05:00

I still have HOPE, I do. That is the word that I am seeing and hearing this week.

Regarding the gender issue.......The latest is that my agency has started receiving dossiers back, as of today I think that is 5 or 6. I was selfishly hoping that the dossiers that came back requested girls but that is not the case. Sorry ya'll. There is no news where my dossier is, I can only HOPE that it has already been assigned a region and someone failed to tell me??

I was devastated this morning when I looked at blogs and several families have dropped out of the Kaz program. What is Kaz thinking? What will this mean to those 100,000 orphans waiting? Wouldn't having us send an extra paper saying that we don't have a gender preference have been a much better solution? Now every dossier will have to be redone that stated a gender request and resubmitted to Kaz. For me there is also the looming threat that Kaz will ban singles from adopting as did China a couple of years ago.

If anyone has any ideas.....I am open to suggestions! It breaks my heart to truly have to even think about a plan B. My heart is in Kazakhstan with my boy...or girl if that's what Kaz wants to hear!!

still no news

2008-08-20T11:16:00.004-05:00

We have all been chatting back and forth on this "gender issue" No one seems to know a thing. Even my agency, who the announcement came from, is in the dark. Other agencies have not heard anything.

So I am tested again, and have to say that I still have faith that I am where I am supposed to be at this time. There is nothing I can do anyway but explore my other options should this not work out. Right?? Until my dossier comes back to me, legally there is nothing else I can do? I can't start the process with another country.....I just can't anyway....something keeps telling me that my Sam is in Kazakhstan.

St. Theresa's Prayer

2008-08-17T19:03:00.001-05:00

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be confident knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

This is bad.....

2008-08-15T11:14:00.008-05:00

This is really sad......this is the latest in the many ups and downs associated with International Adoptions.........My dossier has not yet been assigned a region........Maybe there is still hope?

The Committee of Child's Rights Protection, in Astana, has informed all agency representatives of a new policy change regarding gender request. Effective immediately, any dossiers that have requested a specific gender, and have not yet been assigned to a region, will be returned with no exceptions. In their own words, "All children are equal and have equal rights for family and happiness!"

I just wanted to add, that so far no other agencies have any information on this "gender" issue. Time will tell. I have decided not to panic just yet. Yes....there is still hope!!

Believe

2008-08-07T23:50:00.003-05:00

I guess I am at a crossroads. I told myself that I would put my all into this but if it didn't work out....I would be okay with it. I lied. I am not okay with it. As the song says "Believe in me......I know you've waited for so long..........believe in me.......all I think about is you......... I was meant for chasing dreams......it's my life, it's my choice" I do believe but it is so hard not to get discouraged! I have a dream of what my family will be.......at 46 years old, is that too much to ask??!! As much love as I have given.......isn't it my turn to receive it......and give it again?!

Sweet!

2008-07-28T21:10:00.004-05:00

Maybe Sam is destined to be in the military......kind of hope not but he'll be stylin' just the same. My friend T found this great flight jacket that pretty much covers the branches.....Navy, Army and Air Force. When we were kids, my brother and I would go out to the woods with our cracker rations and play "Army" in my Dad's flight jackets, just like this one. Thanks T, what a sweet gift for Sam!

discouraged but not beaten

2008-07-28T20:55:00.002-05:00

I have to say, on the adoption front....I am just a bit discouraged. I have now been at the MFA for 3 months. I seem to be about a month overdue to move to the MOE. It wouldn't be such a big deal but I see others moving at a more rapid pace. It seems to me......there is a slowdown of dossiers out of DC.....I should be moving that much faster. If I understand correctly, since there is a slowdown, there are more children then ever waiting for forever homes. I only want one child. I want my son Sam. He is there waiting....I just know it. Everything is lining up as it should.....except for this one thing...........................................................

Chase's Graduation and Commissioning Celebration

2008-07-13T20:18:00.011-05:00

My beautiful and only nephew Chase, who was on scholarship at TCU, for baseball and Air Force graduated this month and almost all the family went to Ft. Worth to celebrate. He was also sworn in by my Dad and commissioned into the Air Force and is the 3rd generation of Military in my living family. Dad was Air Force, my brother is a Colonel Texas Army National Guard, my niece Courtney has two years in the Air Force and now Chase. Chase is going to be home for five months before he has to report to Florida but he has strict orders from me...that if Sam comes while he is home, he has to teach him how to play ball! We missed Paige and Ashley and Ryan who couldn't be there.

Ray of Sunshine

2008-07-06T21:34:00.005-05:00

I woke up thinking this morning, that in a perfect world, I will meet my son Sam when he is 6 months old. Just days off the database that Kaz implements to International adopting parents. This means that Sam would have been born in late March or early April and I will be traveling in September. Did I mention that I have 27 days of vacation in September? So I have been told to visualize and send white light and love to Sam from my heart to his. This is easy because my heart is so full of love for this little boy that I have not yet met. I have dreams of Sam but I still do not have a clear picture of him. I remember so much of my dreams but I am blocked here. I was told by my "spiritual" friend that he is referred to or called Ray of Sunshine. Solnechny Loch in Russian. Does that mean that he is blonde and blue eyed from Russian decent? Maybe he will look exotic with Kazak or Asian features? Maybe even German descent and look like me? I feel as if I should know the answer to this. I have read somewhere that before a child is born, he will visit the mother in her dreams. Bring it on little man Sam!

Isn't it Ironic?

2008-07-04T15:57:00.004-05:00

I am on a trip and celebrating the 4th of July in London England. My friend Lou Ann mentioned just how ironic that was. I am celebrating in the country that we/America declared our independence from! The hotel that we stay in actually had a 4th of July BBQ and that's even more ironic. (free food at a hotel?!) So after a little BBQ and a few English Ciders, It's all good! Happy Independence Day!

To Lou Ann and Lexie who found each other in Aktau over a year ago, congratulations! This is the day that you were able to spring Lexie from the Baby House and I know that you will never forget it. I hope that in a year from now, Sam and I will be at the lake house celebrating the 4th with hot dogs, swimming, sparklers and family!

Happy 4th of July!

A good day

2008-06-29T22:26:00.002-05:00

Thanks Chris for a wonderful day and listening to my stories about Sam. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Be true to yourself and everything else will fall in line.

another word association

2008-06-26T00:42:00.003-05:00

I just got home from a lovely trip to London, the 2 hour van ride to the airport and the 3 hour delay with passengers on board almost eclipsed the great layover. On my layover I had to have my french visa renewed, a requirement of my job. I had my first experience with the London Tube which was slightly claustrophobic compared to the NY subway. Somehow we found the French Embassy. Myself and another crew member sat in the Embassy for about 2 hours waiting for the final stamp in our passports....of course we were delirious from lack of sleep but managed to stay awake. As we were leaving, one of the French workers said "Godspeed" . I can honestly say that I have never actually heard anyone say that before. Godspeed was the song that I just added to my blog. Now I say "Godspeed and goodnight"....I am done for the day............................

The worry!

2008-06-20T21:08:00.014-05:00

Oh, oh, oh. The worry! Need I say more? I guess I am getting a small dose of what parents must go through with their children. I have decided that wrinkles and acne are not a good look for me. The worry!!

I had a friend of mine go over it with me again today, I am exactly where I need to be. This child is meant to be mine and he will find me, I will find him, the end......it is the middle that is giving me fits! Oh, the worry!

I have now enlisted everyone I know to help this little boy get to me as quickly as possible. I am pretty sure he is here on this earth because I am feeling him, man!!! I have enlisted my minister Jennifer at church to pray, my friend Alexa who helps to guide my way, Lou Ann and Erin who are working so hard to make this happen. Also Mary, Rose, Susan &, Griffin, Jane, Kari & Danny, Quaintance, Laura, Joby & Marla, Michelle & Jeff, the Regentins, Steph & Dusty, Sandi, Donna & Morgan, Darcy, Lura, Susan & Kathy, Carla, Lori, Karen, Jamie, Josh & Kylan, Amy & Caden, Kay & Jim, Jill, Margaret, Tammy B, Barbara S, who are all rooting for me. (thank you from the bottom of my heart!) Children's Hope, my agency, and my friend Susan who heals with Angels, enough said!! I absolutely have the "A" team working on this.

What am I doing..........I am sending so, so, so much love and Gods light to my little man.......somehow on some level he knows I am here waiting and I can only hope that is a comfort to him. You won't be there long little Sam, hang in there little man!

Godspeed

2008-06-12T21:50:00.005-05:00

I am writing this tonight with tears in my eyes, my friend Rose told me about this song, Godspeed, that I just added to my blog, thanks Rose. This song says everything that I am feeling.

"Godspeed little man, sweet dreams little man..........Oh my love will fly to you each night on Angels wings" Dixie Chicks

I have never been particularly religious but definitely spiritual, or my family would say kooky. I believe the same things as most of you I just get to it in another way. In this past week I have met people that will probably change my life forever, people that have stepped off of their own paths to help me on my journey to find my son.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. May I also say Godspeed little Sam.

deja vu

2008-05-31T20:29:00.003-05:00

I really think someone is trying to tell me something. I have had another one of those weeks of worrying about my time line with the adoption. I have had to remind myself that even though it took me a while to get my dossier together....with distractions, I am right on track as far as where my dossier is now. I submitted it in February, it sped through the translation, spent a little time at the NY Kaz embassy and it arrived at the MoFA in Kaz on April 28. Now I am just waiting to move on to the MOE and I hope that I will be one of the lucky ones who receives a match right away! We will see. I should wait to worry when I get to the MoFA.

So....again, watching TV, well actually cleaning my kitchen with the TV on.....I had to go to the TV and rewind to hear this again. This is what was said........Deja vu.....this is when....you are on path-you are right where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing......everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.

How many times in this process have I heard this or been told this? I can't even tell you. So for now, I will listen and wait and continue looking for my Sam.

Life is like a box of chocolates

2008-05-28T18:14:00.004-05:00

It is starting to be that I see messages everywhere in relation to the adoption process. Or hear them? No I am not schizophrenic........ or are we? As a PAP you start to question every choice you have made in the adoption process. International versus domestic, one agency or another, which country, boy or girl? The biggest decision for some of us.....can I do this alone? I just heard on TV a conversation having to do with time travel....if you could, would you go back and make different choices? This was the answer given;

"If our really important choices could be sampled like a box of chocolates, then our decisions would loose their meaning. What then would be at stake?"

First Hair Cut

2008-05-28T10:29:00.004-05:00

Bogie, who is a Schnoxie, half Schnauzer, half Dachshund, got his first hair cut this week. I am not sure I like it.....he looks like a real boy, I mean dog, now. Kay O said that it might help him calm down some and I actually think that it has! Bogie is a year and a half and soooo hyper. He barks loudly, chases the cats, jumps on people, eats and steals everyones treats.........Sadie's (Llaso Apso) personality is more like a cat. I keep telling Sadie that she is not a real dog. What dog turns her nose up to treats, even meat at times? Not Bogie.....there is nothing that he hasn't at least tried. For all of Bogie's shortcomings.....he can be such a sweet boy. Last night I was going through my before bed ritual and when I got to the room, Bogie was just waiting all curled up on my pillow. He is the BEST snuggler! I don't think that I have ever had a dog that makes me laugh like Bogie does. In the mornings he wakes up so happy and gives lots of kisses. I am pretty sure that Bogie is here for Sam. I think dogs must have purposes too, right? He has already proven himself with the neighborhood boys, he is very good with kids. So.....we are all just waiting......well okay, Bogie is running around, getting into trouble but still waiting for Sam, nonetheless!

Warning Will Robinson!!

2008-05-26T12:37:00.004-05:00

I thought that I might rewrite this post. I am an artist and sometimes I have been told I can be a little dramatic. Hard to believe, right? So the simple story is, I made a comment on an adoption site and this person took offense. She continued to email me at home, even after I asked her to please post to the group and not to me personally. She wasn't very happy. On to the positive......!!

Texas cow dogs!

2008-05-16T12:14:00.009-05:00

Can you tell I am bored? Here is a baby cow, my yard with a pasture behind and my

treasured Texas cow dogs!

"Don't look back on the burrow you have already plowed" unknown

Great Expectations

2008-05-12T14:56:00.004-05:00

My friend Quaintance (mom to a Kaz beauty) just said on a comment from my post "One of Those Days"......

"Without expectation........ there is no upset."

Our expectations are enormous in this quest to find our children. Therefore our upsets can be heartbreaking as well. Quaintance also says with the ups and downs of International adoption, just don't forget to breathe, breathe, breathe and breathe some more! Thanks!

3 little ones

2008-05-12T10:14:00.002-05:00

I was reading Chris's blog last night, she is the single that has traveled to the the Issyk region. There is a later blog post that she wrote that really stuck with me. She said that her driver asked if she wouldn't mind going out of their usual drive to the baby house to make a pick up. She says sure. What happens is they stop at a remote hospital. A nurse brings out 3 newborn babies, just days old. The babies were abandoned in the night by 3 different teenage girls. There was a little boy and two little girls. They get to the baby house, drive to the back door and the caregivers come out and take the babies inside. That's it. Seems unceremonious doesn't it? Just wait little ones!

one of those days

2008-05-09T22:19:00.012-05:00

Sometimes I think that there is maybe too much information out there. I was reading someone's Kaz adoption blog and saw some negative comments about my agency. First I panicked then called my friend Mary, who is a little ahead of me in the process. I think Mary and I talked each other down, we seem to do that a lot. Yesterday I was reassuring her, today her me. I still feel good. I have a great agency who has been in Kaz since 2004. I think that there are things that happen in country that have nothing to do with the particular agencies. This is a hard enough process and hearing negative comments does not help.

When I started this process I asked a friend of mine.... how will I know.....which country, which agency, domestic or International? She said....you can't make a mistake. You will find your way to where you need to be. I believe she was right. I went to a domestic adoption meeting and it just didn't feel right, I attended a CHI meeting and fell in love with the presenter and decided then and there that CHI was the agency for me! I would not be in the place I am today if I had backtracked on every decision I made. Sometimes you can look around and ask why did I have to go through a particular situation? There is a reason for everything!!

I also started this journey knowing that if there is not a little soul out there meant to be mine, then there is nothing in the world that I could do to make it happen. I told myself in the beginning that I would be at peace with whatever God has in store for me. Not everyone is meant to parent a child for whatever reason.

I am hanging on with HIGH HOPES and FAITH that my child is where he is supposed to be and I am exactly where I am supposed to be!

Karaganda!

2008-05-02T13:11:00.002-05:00

Good news this morning, my agency CHI, has added a new region to the program. The region is Karaganda. (I believe that this makes 6 regions that CHI works with?) Karaganda is the 4th largest city in Kazakhstan. Two families have already received their invitations to travel (LOI) Maybe things will be moving a little more quickly? Let's hope!

As it turns out....I just met a wonderful family a town over, who adopted a beautiful red headed little girl from Karaganda in 2006. They had a wonderful experience there.

When the rat is away, the cat will play!

2008-05-01T23:59:00.003-05:00

My good news today is that I may have found a new home for Phil, the guinea pig. My flight attendant friend, Melissa has a 9 year old daughter and they are going to give Phil a try. Before now, Phil had not really been out of his cage much. I have been acclimating him to my lap, couch and have let him run around the floor a bit. He seems very happy. When Phil is in his cage he runs into his hovel whenever I enter the room however out and about he is great and very social with the other critters. In spite of Sadie and Bogie head butting and licking him all over, thing are looking good for 'ole Phil.

Not to blame Phil, I probably had him out too long.....I was holding him and my chest began to get very warm......yuck, Phil pee! I guess that it could have been worse!

The title I used the other day, parts is parts, I had heard my dad say that several times through the years so I asked my Mom where that came from. My uncle Sammy had a character of a friend named Howard, lots of stories came from Howard. One day, probably on their way fishing, Howard and Sam stopped at some dive to eat. On the menu it said "chicken parts" Being curious, Howard asked what parts of the chicken would those be? I can only imagine the waitress to be a surly Flo type and she replies...Parts is Parts!!

A good day!

2008-04-29T16:25:00.003-05:00

Finally an actual adoption post! (However I do have more critter stories to tell.......) CHI emailed me today to let me know that my dossier arrived yesterday at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, MoFA!! YES!!! This means my dossier is finally in Kazakhstan and the next step is the Ministry of Education. The MOE is the last stop where officials will match me with a region and baby house. I am happy that it is still moving, It was at the Consulate for about 2 months which seems about right. We were all worried with the suspension a couple of months ago, that the dossiers would be slower leaving the Consulate in NY. Moving on.........!

Parts is parts!

2008-04-26T11:02:00.004-05:00

I have a cute story that happened yesterday. I took over custody of my neighbor's Guinea Pig about 2 weeks ago. He is doing great...eating like a king and who knew.....after I got over my initial fear, he likes to be held! Anyway, I stopped by my Mom and Dad's on the way home from my trip....being the eternal child in my mother's eyes....I was afraid to tell her that I had added yet another critter to my brood. However Phil needed lettuce and I didn't want to go to the grocery store. So I told her I have a guinea Pig. My Mom said....You know, I have guinea pig in me. I say What??!! Surely you misunderstood what I said. She went on to tell me that when she was born, her feet were very turned in. Over the years as a kid she had many surgeries and casts and braces. One of her doctors put in guinea pig tendons to lengthen her own tendons at her heels. This was in the 30's which must have been quite advanced at the time? Who knows. So I am thinking that I must have a little guinea pig DNA in me? Interesting.....Phil the guinea pig and I are going to have lots to talk about!

Tulips in Amsterdam

2008-04-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

Weather was gorgeous in Amsterdam this week. Temperature was in the 60's and sunny. I keep saying that I am going to go to see the tulips but I get in my comfort zone and don't wake up until noon. I did get out to the Albert Cuyp market and found some great pillows made from vintage fabric. My friend Melissa and I did see some gorgeous tulips in the Iguana park on the way home from dinner.

The miricle of adoption

2008-04-20T10:52:00.003-05:00

I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about the difference of having a birth child and what we adoptive parents go through to find our child. Think of all the little and big steps that God with the help of the universe and individuals have to make happen to bring our families together. Here are a few of the steps that I could think of:

1. You getting out of that comfort zone to make the first step at looking into various forms of adoption, be it foster/adopt, foster, domestic adoption through the birth mother or international adoption. Found out through waiting, that no one is really going to just leave a baby on your doorstep!
2. Attending adoption meetings. Choosing the agency first and then the country (in my case) that feels right. Signing.
3. The agency and country is a match, you are accepted! But can I find the money to bring a child into my life? You can and you did, thanks to friends at banks!
4. The time it takes for paperwork, for visiting friends who stay 2 months to leave, to receive the homestudy report, the CIS report.....okay just time to do paperwork.
5. Then on the other end, God has to give this child to another, this birth Mother will have to make the most difficult decision of her life, she will have to chose to give up her child for adoption.
6. This seems to be where it gets tricky. God has to make sure that this child goes to an orphanage in a region that your agency has ties to. He also has to make sure that no one else "sees" him first. The child is available to adopt for the first 6 months only to those who live in his country
7. You are then invited to come to the country, Kazakhstan in this case, and meet your child. Suppose that when you get to Kaz, there are two children for you to meet. Will you know your child? I like to think absolutely! You will know each other! It is hard not to feel sad for the other child but you know in your heart that a wonderful family is waiting anxiously to meet him.
8. After the first meeting, about 2 months later you bring him home. He is home and you are a family. So much Love!
9. Your life begins again! Amen!!

NOW!

2008-04-18T16:34:00.002-05:00

Back to the show Eli Stone, it's not even my favorite show but I keep getting messages from it. A few weeks ago, in the words of George Michael, the message was "You've got to have faith, faith, faith!" This week the words in the show went like this;

I am alive NOW
I am awake NOW
I have a full life NOW
I have a purpose NOW
This is what I am fighting for.

In my last post, I mentioned that a very spiritual friend of my said that I have to see Sam NOW, and to put up signs around the house that say "Sam is here NOW". NOW, please?

God and the universe work in mysterious ways....I am listening!

Sam's room

2008-04-16T19:15:00.003-05:00

I walked in to the baby's room a moment ago, there was this sweet glow about it. You can't see it in the photo, but it was there. They say that some women know the instant they are pregnant, dare I say that I feel as if Sam is already here? I truly believe that each life is predestined, each family is predestined. I have such hope for my life with baby Sam. My spiritual friend told me to put up notes around the house that say "Sam is here Now", I am holding him Now, etc.....I am praying for Sam NOW and hoping that he doesn't have to spend another day in the orphanage then absolutely necessary. Now I am upping my travel date to September. That gives Sam 6 months to get ready for me, us.

dream......

2008-04-08T09:33:00.003-05:00

I had a dream last night, in my dream I was pregnant. I was going to the doctor to confirm. (Then Sadie woke me up to put her up on the bed!) I went back to sleep and found myself in a class, I pulled from my purse a baby boy's cotton cap and pulled out a baby girl's diaper cover. (There is that boy/ girl struggle again!)

So my theory is this....in 9 months, December, I'll be bringing my baby home! I can dream can't I.......?

New Car Smell

2008-04-04T14:36:00.003-05:00

Since starting this adoption process last year, I have been painfully aware that my car was slowly dying! It was 9 years old, squealing something awful, the FM was out and the gas mileage terrible! I overspent for it and my payments were too high. Finally paid it off a couple of years ago. My thoughts were that after I paid off the "baby line of credit" that I am incurring, I would get a new car down the line. After reviewing the time line I decided that I did not want to have little Sam riding around in a 10 or 11 year old car! So I bit the bullet and very cautiously my Dad and I went shopping for a car last Saturday. I wanted the Nissan Morano, then I settled for the loaded Nissan Rogue but in the end did the responsible thing and bought the basic Nissan Rogue Crossover! I love it! Little scared of the cloth seats which I just scotch guarded, it doesn't even have a mirror on the visor, but it drives beautifully, has a big back area and the radio sounds great! Oh yea, and it has little tabs in the back that show where the baby seat is supposed to go!

Curious?

2008-03-27T11:02:00.004-05:00

Lura and Natalie bought these cute Curious George books, toy and dishes for Sam....how precious! Sam has good friends already! Thanks guys!

Have you ever missed someone that you haven't even met?!

2008-03-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

I had one of those bad nights, feeling lonely for someone I haven't even met. As I looked around, there was me, and Sadie, Bogie, Jude, Angel and Bella all sleeping in my bed......how in the world can I be lonely!? Sam already has such a huge presence in my life.....wish he was here, already!

Suspension lifted

2008-03-25T13:27:00.003-05:00

Looks like the suspension of the dossiers to Kaz is lifted, they say that there maybe delays while they look over paperwork carefully. I can't imagine them finding anything wrong with any of CHI's dossiers.....they are pretty perfect!